[Article] 가고싶은 곳

이번에는 4번째 글로 가고 싶은곳 쓰라고 한다. 그래서 적었다. 좀 피곤한 감을 안고 샤샥 적어서 보냈더니 답장옴..

음.. 잘쓴거 맞나 -_-...

혹 좀더 나은 문장이나 표현이 있으면 덧글 감사드립니다!

Your Article:

My first flash in my head is about Philippine.

I can't forget the taste of Mango which I ate in there.

Of course, I can find mangoes at supermarket here.

You know that is more expensive.

And for these days I had a lot of works. so I felt tired a little bit.

So I need to take a rest for myself.

I want to take a bed on some beach in front of beautiful ocean.

 

And I would love to go to America. especially California.

I want to drive a car on beach road in California.

I dreams new life in there.

 

In the last, I would want to go to Ethiopia.

I've been sent my little money to the girl called Moluka monthly for 3 years.

She is 4 years olds. And her family had a suffer from the shortage of food and water.

I hope her family have good life and Moluka can go to school for her life.

If I visit there, I want to see her to say hello and give some presents for her.

I hope she is well and become a good person who care their family.

 

Correction:

The first thing that comes to my mind is Philippines. I can't forget the taste of mango when I ate it there. Of course I can find mangoes at supermarkets here but you know, that is more expensive. And these days I had to do lots of work so I feel a little bit tired. I think I need to take a rest. I want to lie down on a bed in front of a beautiful beach.

And I would also love to go to America especially in the state of California. I want to drive a car on the beach side road. I dream of a new life there.

 

Lastly, I would want to go to Ethiopia. I've been sending some money to a girl named Moluka for three years. She is 4 years old and her family has been suffering from food and water shortage. I hope her family will have a good life so that Moluka can go to school.

 

If I would visit Ethiopia, I would like to see her and say "hello!" and give her some presents.

I hope she is well and I also hope that she will grow up as a good person who cares for her family.

 

NOTES:

You actually did well on this article… Why? There were fewer mistakes here and the usage of the verb was really good. Your spelling was also excellent… I admire the content of your article because there is already sequencing… I mean you already know how to start and end your article^^

Just take note of the spelling of “Philippines”…^^ Absolutely a great article^^